anythingbutgrey | Dare (Veronica Mars)

A VM fic. I was talking to someone (and I don't recall who, and I'msorry) about having a Lilly perspective on veronica/logan, but I regret to inform this person that this is not that fic. That'll be coming later. :)

Title: Dare
Rating: PG-13 for some language, some femslash, and some sexual references
characters: Lilly, Veronica, Logan, Duncan
Pairings: Veronica/Logan, Lilly/Veronica, Lilly/Logan
Spoilers: Up to Hot Dogs
A/N: Thanks to

_fateyoucarved for the beta. Lyrics from Fall Out Boy's "I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me"

Yes, that's really what it's called.

Dare

01. I found the cure to growing older

Lilly loves truth or dare, but she never picks truth. It's too easy, just a cop-out from having to do something adventurous for once. Veronica would only pick truth if she looked at Lilly before she made her decision. Lilly was a lot of things, and she had a talent to make anyone do what she wanted them to do. If Veronica looked at Lilly she'd dare to do something new.

“Color me stunned,” Logan deadpans after Lilly picks dare (again).

Logan dares her to kiss Veronica (expected – what is it with guys and girl-on-girl action? But then Lilly realizes that it's just the same as girls and gay men, and she smiles a little), and Lilly rolls her eyes at her boyfriend.

Duncan groans. “Don't I get any say in this?” he grumbles, while Veronica laughs, leaning on his shoulder.

“Come on, Duncan,” Lilly smirks. “Like you don't get a rise out of two babes like us making out.”

Duncan groans again, and throws his head back against the chair.

“Ew, Duncan,” Lilly cries devilishly. “Save that for the bedroom.”

“Like you're one to save things for the bedroom,” Duncan shoots back, and Logan sputters a little, choking on his beer.

“Oh, touche,” Lilly says, yawning. “That kills me Duncan. Doubting my purity like that.”

“It's not hard, Lilly,” Duncan continues. “That bruise on your thigh really is an interesting color.”

Lilly laughs. “I know you've got a few bruises just waiting to be brought out, Duncan. Right, Veronica?” She turns to her friend.

Veronica blushes as Duncan continues to glare at Lilly. Veronica always did that, turned bright pink at even the slightest mention of her sexual activities. Lilly knew that Veronica and Duncan had never had sex. It always astounded Lilly when Veronica would blush, like she had something to hide.

Lilly waggles her finger at Veronica. “Here, Veronica,” she calls, and Veronica laughs a little, blushes some more, and looks over at Duncan.

Logan leans back in his chair. “Looks like you've found the one person in the world who needs some convincing to touch you, Lilly.”

Logan, as usual, has no idea what he's talking about. Veronica's just a better actress than any of them, even Lilly.

Veronica's pink lips taste like watermelon, and they're just as soft as always.

They break apart slowly, and Veronica scampers back to Duncan, red as a beet (even though Logan's pulled this on them plenty of times and they've made out of their own accord more times than that).

“I know somewhere in there you've got a devil just waiting to come out, Veronica Mars,” Lilly laughs.

Veronica raises her eyebrows. “Be sure to tell me when you find it.”

Lilly wraps her arm around Logan. “I'm gonna drag it out of you eventually, Veronica. You watch.”

“I will,” Logan announces, and Duncan reaches over and punches him on the arm, which just makes everyone laugh harder.

“Why don't you ever pick truth, Lilly?” Veronica asks later that night when her mouth is an inch above Lilly's and her light pink pajamas brush softly against Lilly's legs.

Lilly smiles at her, and covers Veronica's mouth with her own. “I've got a million secrets, Veronica,” she whispers against the other girl’s lips. “It makes me so much more mysterious.”

Veronica moves back and looks Lilly in the eyes with one of her rare philosophical-Veronica faces. “I think you give yourself too much credit, Lilly,” Veronica says, eyes narrow. “I don't think you're all that mysterious at all.”

“Oh, please, Veronica,” Lilly laughs, sitting up. “I have mystery coming out of my pores.”

Veronica rolls her eyes, which Lilly knows is just Veronica's way of surrendering without having to admit to it.

Lilly props her head on her hand. “What do you suppose our boyfriends are doing right now?”

“Oh, I don't know.” Veronica smiles. “Talking endlessly about how much they adore us, I suppose.”

Lilly laughs, and Veronica's lips grow tight. “You don't think so?” Veronica asks, disappointed.

“They just want us for sex, Veronica Mars,” Lilly says, and she isn't complaining about it either. “Just give that brother of mine some time, you’ll see.”

Veronica hits Lilly with a pillow. “Just because your boyfriend is a whore doesn't mean mine is,” she bites back lightly.

Lilly raises her eyebrows at her. “Don't be naive, Veronica. Men are all the same. The trick,” she reminds her, “is making them shift the lines between love and sex until the line spells out your name.”

Veronica rolls her eyes.

***

02. They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone

Veronica knows it's wrong to be jealous of the dead, especially when the dead was once your best friend.

Veronica knows that when Logan looks at her he sees VeronicaandDuncan, because when Veronica looks at Logan she can still see Lilly laughing as the other girl wraps her arms around him.

Veronica knows a lot of things, but that's never stopped her from getting into trouble before.

After she kissed Logan, Veronica realized that she knew a lot less than she thought, because she didn't even know herself.

The issue between her and Logan - an issue that has yet to rear its head, but she knows will someday - is, of course, Lilly. Logan can hold Veronica and kiss her like he could love her someday and tell her that he's moving past Lilly. Veronica still has to spit out Lilly's name with the taste of dirt, because any time Veronica thinks of Lilly she thinks of 6 feet of dirt and Lilly Kane in an expensive wooden box that was supposed to send her off with finesse, the kind of finesse that is inherent in Kane blood. But Veronica knows that it's impossible to bury Lilly with remembrance to the style she was accustomed to when she was alive, because Lilly wore life and breathed creation.

They never really talk about Lilly. Veronica thinks that Logan is afraid that if he mentions her Veronica will think he's still dwelling on his dead girlfriend, which they both know is true, but he's still trying to deny it.

Veronica knows that Lilly would kill her for mourning her like this. Lilly would kill Veronica for breaking off from the 09ers. Lilly would kill Veronica for chopping off her hair, like that would somehow create Veronica-the-new. Lilly would kill Veronica for thinking that Veronica-the-new is really any different than Veronica-the-old.

Veronica likes to think she's a hardened shell, but sometimes she wonders if she's just exaggerating. Veronica's really just afraid that Veronica-the-old is going to eventually come out, and Veronica-the-old can't deal with the life of Veronica-the-new.

Every time Veronica-the-new kisses Logan she feels Lilly slipping away. And if Lilly disappears, then Veronica-the-new doesn't have the fire to keep going. Veronica thinks it's a little weird that she needs her best friend's ghost to be living in her head more than she needs her new boyfriend to look at her in that Logan way of his.

But Veronica doesn't even use the word 'boyfriend' anymore. Logan said something about Veronica being his girlfriend the other day and Veronica just hoped she didn't flinch when he said it, because she wasn't expecting it. She doesn't really understand why it was so surprising, because obviously that's what they were becoming. But Logan is falling harder and faster than she expected, and maybe this is just how he is (which would make sense based on what Lilly had said), and she knows she's falling just as hard and just as fast but she's so much more afraid than he is.

He has no idea of that, of course, and if she told him how scared she was he'd just hold her and tell her he was scared too, and that he understood what it was like to lose everything and not be able to trust anyone.

But Logan can't know what it's like to be her. Veronica has lost everyone and everything and she bets that, if she conjured up Veronica-the-old, that Veronica wouldn't even recognize this Veronica. Suddenly gaining her life back left her off balance, and if she or Logan (or both) get any deeper than they are, Veronica knows she's just going to tip over.

Although she's more afraid of Logan than she's ever been of anything in her life, she's still jealous of Lilly. There are people that don't live, but only exist, just because she died. Lilly has a boyfriend who Veronica called “my dead best friend's boyfriend” when Veronica was breaking up with Leo, because Logan will always be Lilly's boyfriend on some level.

Logan will always love Lilly.

Veronica knows it's wrong to envy the dead, but Lilly always was a bit blasphemous.

***

03. And some secrets weren't meant to be told

Logan has a smile for Veronica. He smiles something quiet and defiant, like her. It's not like his Lilly smile, which was vibrant and dirty and crazy and sexual and happy. Logan's Veronica smile is something new to him, which is why it takes Duncan all of four seconds to know something is going on.

“What's going on with you, man?” Duncan asks, his mouth full of pepperoni pizza.

Logan snaps his eyes away from nowhere and looks at Duncan. “What do you mean?”

The other 09ers are distant on the other end of the table. They're talking on their cell phones, eating pizza, laughing. Duncan and Logan are in a different bubble sometimes, especially since Logan's mother's death. Since then, Logan's been spending an awful lot of time “around that Mars chick” and that's not putting him in the best standing with the rest of the 09ers. He thinks this is funny, because Veronica was kicked out of the 09er group mainly because her father accused Jake Kane of being Lilly's killer. Logan and Duncan knew Lilly best, and they hate Veronica the least. But rules are rules, and Veronica Mars is oh so off limits to anyone in the 09er crowd.

Duncan finishes off his pizza. “You have this look...” He trails off, and nods at Logan, like “you understand?”

Logan tilts his head at Duncan. “A look? I've got a lot of looks, Duncan. It's one of the perks of having muscles in your face. Try it sometime.”

Duncan rolls his eyes like Lilly rolled her eyes. “You're smiling like you've got something to hide.”

Logan laughs sharply at the irony, because Veronica breathes secrets and he wonders if she'll ever tell him any of them. Logan is brutal honesty, which is probably why Duncan has picked up on his uncharacteristic silence.

“Is something going on between you and Veronica?” Duncan asks slowly, and he blinks like he knows the answer and he's afraid of it.

Logan places a piece of pepperoni in his mouth. “What do you think, Duncan?” he says, as sarcastically as he can. Logan never was a very good liar, Lilly always said, and Lilly always spoke the truth.

Duncan shakes his head. “I don't even know. Never mind.”

For a second Logan thinks that he's a better liar than he used to be. Then he looks up and Veronica's walking by and she gives him that little look she gives him when she thinks no one's watching and Logan smiles his Veronica smile. Duncan looks at him like he gets it.

“Truth or dare,” Duncan asks quietly.

“Truth,” Logan says just as softly, and Duncan nods like he understands.

***

04. Progress report: I am missing you to death

Duncan doesn't even know what he was thinking, because Meg was supposed to help him finally get over Veronica, but all she did was propel him even deeper into her. For a little while, he thought that maybe he and Veronica could get over... whatever (he doesn't even remember what happened anymore) and go back to VeronicaandDuncan. But Duncan's wrong about a lot of things, and his slipping GPA isn't the only proof of that.

What's most ironic to Duncan was just how obvious it was. He saw it, just before the Valentine's Day dance, when Logan put his hand on Veronica's arm like maybe she could steady him. He saw it and he asked Veronica about it and she denied it and he felt like maybe VeronicaandDuncan were safe for another day.

Lilly used to say that Duncan was a selfish son of a bitch, but that was normally just when he'd take the last waffle from the freezer.

“What'd you think would happen, Duncan?” Lilly would ask if she saw him now, practically breathing vodka on the floor next to his desk. “You thought she'd stay yours forever?”

Even Duncan wasn't that disillusioned. Duncan never thought that Veronica would love him forever, not since he broke up with her. But Duncan also never thought that he and Logan would be fighting over a girl. The old Logan liked girls like Lilly—girls who were readable and sexy and funny and who would scream if they saw a snake but would take any dare on a whim (even if it meant touching that same snake). Duncan liked girls like the old Veronica—quiet and smart and beautiful and inquisitive.

The new Veronica and the new Logan are two broken puzzle pieces who fit together, but still aren't complete.

Duncan never thought that he and Logan would fight over a girl. Then again, they're not really fighting, because Duncan got up from lunch like nothing was wrong and left school and has been sitting in his room with his vodka since approximately one o'clock that afternoon.

“Duncan, honey,” his mother calls, “Logan's on the phone.”

Duncan isn't drunk enough to dare to pick up the phone.

“I'm in the shower,” he yells back, hoping he doesn't sound as drunk as he is.

Duncan knows that if he talks to Logan he might be sick, and the cleaning lady isn't coming until the morning.

His mother doesn't knock again, but he does hear her faintly ask his father why he isn't locking up the liquor cabinet better. Duncan guesses she doesn't know that he knows where she keeps the keys.

The more he thinks about it, the less he understands how Veronica and Logan ended up together. Logan (even the new Logan) is loud and crazy and obnoxious, and this new Veronica is angry and sorrowful and unforgiving.

The whole ordeal makes his head spin, even when he takes another drink. He wonders how long it will take him to finish the bottle, and when he does finish, how will he get another drink, what with his parents still awake (and it's only seven)?

“You're really despicable, Duncan,” Lilly says, perched on the edge of his bed. “Since when do you drink your troubles away? And over Veronica Mars, no less. She's just a girl. A girl that you broke up with first, mind you.”

“You're a jackass,” Duncan mumbles, and for an instant Lilly looks a little shocked, because the only time Duncan talks back to her is when he's completely trashed, and, surprisingly, that's not that often. “You know that was Mom's doing.”

“Nuh-uh, little brother.” Lilly shakes her head, and her earrings clutter like music. “You think that if Celeste told me to dump Logan that I'd do it?”

You don't know the whole story, Duncan thinks.

“I know enough of the story,” Lilly says with an amused lilt that only makes him angrier. “I'm just a figment of your imagination, Duncan. You'd be surprised just how deep into your mind a figment can go. Being that I only exist in that handsome head of yours.”

Duncan doesn't need Lilly there to tell him what an idiot he's been.

“They say the truth hurts,” Lilly protests. “And if I'm not here, who's going to tell you the truth?”

I don't need you to tell me the truth, Duncan thinks because he's too tired to speak anymore—and what's the point?

Lilly crosses her legs on the bed. “You needed the truth from Logan, didn't you?” she points out. “Even when you knew about him and Veronica, you needed him to tell you. You don't even really believe him now, do you? You still hope that you misunderstood him, when you know exactly what's happening.”

When she was alive (when they were all alive), Lilly had a strange ability to pick out everyone's weaknesses, even when they hadn't even noticed them themselves. Lilly understood things about people that no one else did. Duncan figures this is probably because Lilly was the most honest of any of them—Lilly knew herself, knew her faults and weaknesses and strengths and how to use all of those things to her advantage. The more honest Lilly was with herself the easier it was for her to see what other people weren't honest about.

“I'm not going to believe him until I see them together, Lilly, and you know that, so just leave me the fuck alone,” Duncan cries, and he raises his arm to throw the near empty bottle at Lilly but then chooses otherwise.

“Did you say something, darling?” Celeste calls from beyond his door.

“When did you all become such gluttons for punishment?” Lilly asks, dismayed, even though they both know the answer.

“Why’d you have to go and die, Lilly?” The sleepy sense of alcohol is taking effect, and Duncan feels himself growing weary. “Things used to be so much easier when you were around.”

Lilly tugs on his hand and pulls him toward his bed. “Everyone has their time, donut. It wasn’t your time yet,” she says, pulling the covers over him.

“I wish it had been me,” Duncan murmurs.

“Stop being so dramatic.” Lilly rolls her eyes. “Being dead isn’t all its cracked up to be.”

Duncan’s eyes flutter closed slowly as Lilly switches off the light. “Being alive hasn’t been much of a party either, Lilly.”

"That's because you've stopped living it," Lilly points out, but Duncan doesn't hear her.

Current Mood: guilty

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

quiet-rebel.livejournal.com

Great work! I loved the part with Logan and Duncan the best just because of the insight you wrote.

I admit it, I kinda actually like Duncan on the show and you managed to capture why I like him--the angst! The last part with Lilly was sad and so true. There's a lot going on internally with that boy.

By the way, I'm kinda curious on this song you named the fic after. Can you upload it for us? Thanks!

From:

but i just couldn't say it out loud

Dare (Veronica Mars)

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