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anythingbutgreyA fic. Ya rly. I don't know if I like this one either. Or the title. Tell me, bbs.
Title: I Have You Breathing Down My Neck
Rated: PG-13 for some cursing
Ship: Jacob/Bella
A/N: This is for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
twilight_tables prompt "Dark Blue." I used the song Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin. The title and the lines "How does anybody think under this condition" and "Slow down. [The] night's a perfect shade of dark blue" are from this song. Thanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
otempora01 for the beta. This is a companion fic to this fic, You Still Crumble at My Name. You need to read it before you read this or this won't make sense. This is shorter, don't worry.
You can find the lyrics to Dark Blue here and the .mp3 here.
Summary: He has been running for so long he doesn’t even know how to stop and breathing is a word he no longer understands. It makes him think of her, giving him life, and a future her, no longer needing air.
It’s still him under the mass of fur and animal bones.
He doesn’t understand why they can all handle pain better in the form of a monster. His mind is still his and it is still screaming.
He loses himself in the wild of the woods and shoves everything down his now huge throat where all emotion sits and waits to be thrown up again by his human form.
As a human he would simply collapse, though, and he knows he can never go back. Two legs have such trouble standing on their own, especially under the weight of things like unrequited love.
Part of him tries to reason that she does love him, but that only makes things worse. Thinking she feels nothings is twistedly easier.
He swallows the part that loved her too, along with motorcycles, cliffs, and other things that make up so much of who he is.
There’s not much of him left.
A cruel part of him wonders if in three days time (or three days after that, or that, or simply eventually) she will look back on him and laugh.
***
The pack couldn’t stay out of his head forever, but only Quil, Embry and Sam get the long shifts because everyone else’s prying eyes are too much. Even their three pairs of eyes feel like anvils on his giant ankles, but he tries to understand or at least keep his always-screaming mind quiet. He tries.
He focuses every thought on the anatomy of his tendons, the now huge muscles and the way they stretch and let him run and run and never stop. It’s a welcome distraction to words like her name.
The ache like burning coal in his stomach (or heart or head or knees and everywhere) doesn’t go anywhere, though.
Quil sighs in Jacob’s head. “Will you ever stop? You can’t run from your own mind, you know.”
Jacob shakes his head at the mere prospect of human form when the world is still like this and Bel – she is still gone from him. “I can’t, Quil. How could – how does anybody think under this condition?”
They both know there’s no answer to such a question.
“Just slow down, Jake,” Quil pleas. “The night’s a perfect shade of dark blue. Breathe.”
Quil still walks the woods of La Push, where the oxygen is only stifled by all the moisture in the air.
Jacob’s sky is blood red and he chokes on it.
He has been running for so long he doesn’t even know how to stop and breathing is a word he no longer understands. It makes him think of her, giving him life, and a future her, no longer needing air. He separates them in his head, the past and the future, because he has to. Necessity wears him down these days.
Jacob sighs. “Your sky is not mine, Quil.”
He thinks, And I’ll always keep running and hates that Quil can hear him.
***
He spots a sign through some trees and knows where he is for the first time in days or weeks or months. Time stopped being a factor a while ago.
The cheery sign welcomes him to Illinois, and he prefers being lost.
The next evening, when Sam enters his head, Jacob nearly collapses.
Bella’s face swims in Sam’s mind. The image forces her name out of a box where it was locked up and kept away from girls named Pandora. Until now.
He recognizes her half-empty eyes, but this time it wasn’t Edward that did it to her. Jacob did.
His own voice snaps at him, You promised. He can’t even find the rage to blame her for her own downfall because he loves her too fucking much.
All four of his limbs give out from under him and he yelps when his side hits the ground.
Dammit, Bella, he thinks. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?
He forces the change back to human form because he knows he can’t be a wolf anymore, not while he can see what he has done to her.
The transformation leaves him gasping. Humans feel so much pain.
He had almost forgotten how much worse it was like this.
He wishes he could go back, but knows he can’t. He is trapped in the limbo between human and beast and neither spectrum will rescue him from desperate loves and haunted pasts.
He pushes his smaller human limbs forward, wincing at every breath. He throws on his now dirty pants that have been clinging to his fur for weeks and clambers into town.
***
His father’s voice shudders a sigh of relief when Jacob calls him and asks him to wire some money to a credit union Jacob has found. He needs to buy clothes before he can find a job and he needs a job before he can pretend he thinks werewolf movies are for idiots, he has never known anyone named Bella Swan, his knowledge of cars is limited to changing tires and jumping engines.
The people at the credit union look at him the way one looks at crazy people, as though any eye contact might set them off. He imagines he does look that way. Recently, he has been beginning to think he is that way.
When he gets the money, he goes to a nearby store and finds the most acceptable cheap clothing he can find. He gets his hair cut, because his hair, too, reminds him of her. He doesn’t think she’ll ever leave him, and, at the moment, the part that wants her to go is wishing harder than the part that wants her to stay.
Humans are so weak. He misses the wolf. He realizes this with a shudder, and mourns himself.
He, his short hair and his new clothes get on the next bus to Chicago. Amongst the buildings and vehicles in big cities, it is so easy to get lost, to be unrecognizable, to hide.
He wants to hide from everyone, even himself. His name comes along for the ride, though, because, he reasons, some ounces of humanity are important to maintain.
In truth, he knows, it’s because he can still remember the way she said his name when she was angry or happy or scared or in love and he never wants to lose that.
On the bus he writes the letter. He wants to tell her it’s her own fault, he wants to tell her she deserves it, he wants to tell her he loves her, Jesus, I love you, please take me, I can’t do this anymore, Bella.
He settles for I still think only of you and signing it Love, Jacob.
That is vengeance and truth enough for him.
He addresses it to Embry, drops it in the first mailbox he finds in Chicago, and begins to disappear.
***
None of them have been able to control the wolf in them for long, and Jacob is no exception. Chicago lacks the dense forestry of Washington, and it makes things… rather difficult. He changes in basements of abandoned buildings and hopes no unfortunate person stumbles upon his gaping form and has a heart attack. He hates it, the small spaces, walking in circles instead of through the open woods.
It forces him to learn how to control the wolf, though, and he hopes he’ll be able to stop changing sooner than expected.
One day, things are unnaturally quiet. Looking back, he should have known that quiet for that long could only mean trouble, and not the supernatural kind. The human kind.
Seth snaps into his head like a bullet, carrying images of Bella, crying, Bella, smiling, Bella, pleading, and Embry staring at Bella like he could kill her. It makes Jacob want to kill Embry in turn.
They’re coming, Seth thinks and then curses himself because Jacob wasn’t supposed to know that.
No, Jacob thinks, and forces himself back to human and out of the building.
He sits on the curb with his head between his knees and thinks he’s going to be sick. His head spins in circles of Run or stay, run or stay.
Reason tells him that he can’t let Bella Swan run him out of town everywhere she goes, and he stays.
He has always been good at lying to himself.
He goes back to the diner where he works and waits.
***
She stumbles in behind Sam the next morning and Jacob can’t look at her. At first he can’t even see her, she cowers too close to Sam’s huge form. Like Jacob could hurt her. Like her could ever –
His hands shake, because he has hurt her. Even if it was her decision that did it, he can’t help but blame himself.
This love is so destructive.
She cries and shakes and he swallows back tears and shakes and that’s what their love has done to them.
He never wants her to leave.
All the same, he can’t look at her.
She whispers, “Please,” and he glances at her for an instant and immediately regrets it. He can see her stagger, he can see her hurt, he can see her, just as striking as ever. He doesn’t know why he expected her beauty to fade, or, at least, to stop affecting him the way she does.
He also doesn’t know why his knees begin to straighten as he stands. He puts a hand lightly against the table and finds it painfully ironic how strong he looks and how weak he feels.
Sam says, “I’ll wait here,” and his voice whispers of “Control yourself.”
Sam never stops seeing Emily’s face, and it makes Jacob shudder.
He doesn’t understand how it's so hot so early in the morning, and wishes he felt as comfortable shirtless here as he did in La Push.
“You shouldn’t have come here,” he whispers and forces himself to sound like he means it. His words really translate to You should have picked me. These masks he wears are near impossible to rip off most days.
She says, “You knew I was coming and stayed.”
He scrambles for an excuse. He hates the way she makes him feel naked and sliced open on an operating table. It always feels like he can’t hide anything from her, when he’s the one who can read her without her saying a word, not the other way around.
He blabbers some excuse about not wanting to run, liking Chicago without trees or air or her. Her eyes narrow at his lies and he wants to smile a little because at least she can see his falsehoods.
The corners of his lips don’t so much as twitch in the direction of his eyes. Instead, he reminds her how she once lied and said she didn’t have a choice. Him or Edward. Edward or him. It certainly seems like a choice was involved.
She says that was a mistake. Not a lie. She doesn’t get it.
He says, “How do you know this isn’t a mistake?”
Their hands are shaking for reasons all too similar. He remembers telling her once how he was human, he felt human, as his masks crashed around him, leaving shards of ceramic on the floor.
“Eclipses pass,” she mutters. “The sun remains the same.”
Their last conversation flashes in his head for the thousandth time and he feels dizzy at its still vivid colors.
He throws her words back at her. “Eclipses come back. They block out the sun and you can forget it ever existed.”
She was willing to forget him. Choices or not, she allowed that to happen. A battle between anger and love rages in his heart and he doesn’t know which one will win. He doesn’t even know which one to root for. Anger is safe. Love is dangerous. It should be easy.
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “You can’t forget.”
With a twist in his stomach, the anger vanishes. He feels suddenly defenseless and quickly scrambles to find it, that lifeline. It has been his only energy for so long. Fury was the only emotion he could handle. Everything else was too much.
He feels his mouth transforming into something like a smile and tries to push it down. He can’t do this. Love her. She could change her mind.
He thinks of Emily and Sam and realizes, so could he. He also knows he won’t.
She gives a light gasp and he can see her stagger. With a start, he grabs her elbow, something icy like panic racing in his blood.
“What’s wrong?” he asks despite himself.
She laughs, “Air.”
He doesn’t understand, but he hears her laugh and knows there’s no going back to the lonely woods without her.
That’s alright, though. It’s alright.
“Are you okay now?” he asks as she remembers how to use her feet. After he asks, he realizes he was asking both her and himself.
She answers for both of them.
“Yes,” she smiles, and he remembers how life with her was so effortless. He thought it was hard. It was life without her that was difficult, though.
Loving her was all too easy.
*
feedback?
Title: I Have You Breathing Down My Neck
Rated: PG-13 for some cursing
Ship: Jacob/Bella
A/N: This is for
twilight_tables prompt "Dark Blue." I used the song Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin. The title and the lines "How does anybody think under this condition" and "Slow down. [The] night's a perfect shade of dark blue" are from this song. Thanks to otempora01 for the beta. This is a companion fic to this fic, You Still Crumble at My Name. You need to read it before you read this or this won't make sense. This is shorter, don't worry.You can find the lyrics to Dark Blue here and the .mp3 here.
Summary: He has been running for so long he doesn’t even know how to stop and breathing is a word he no longer understands. It makes him think of her, giving him life, and a future her, no longer needing air.
It’s still him under the mass of fur and animal bones.
He doesn’t understand why they can all handle pain better in the form of a monster. His mind is still his and it is still screaming.
He loses himself in the wild of the woods and shoves everything down his now huge throat where all emotion sits and waits to be thrown up again by his human form.
As a human he would simply collapse, though, and he knows he can never go back. Two legs have such trouble standing on their own, especially under the weight of things like unrequited love.
Part of him tries to reason that she does love him, but that only makes things worse. Thinking she feels nothings is twistedly easier.
He swallows the part that loved her too, along with motorcycles, cliffs, and other things that make up so much of who he is.
There’s not much of him left.
A cruel part of him wonders if in three days time (or three days after that, or that, or simply eventually) she will look back on him and laugh.
***
The pack couldn’t stay out of his head forever, but only Quil, Embry and Sam get the long shifts because everyone else’s prying eyes are too much. Even their three pairs of eyes feel like anvils on his giant ankles, but he tries to understand or at least keep his always-screaming mind quiet. He tries.
He focuses every thought on the anatomy of his tendons, the now huge muscles and the way they stretch and let him run and run and never stop. It’s a welcome distraction to words like her name.
The ache like burning coal in his stomach (or heart or head or knees and everywhere) doesn’t go anywhere, though.
Quil sighs in Jacob’s head. “Will you ever stop? You can’t run from your own mind, you know.”
Jacob shakes his head at the mere prospect of human form when the world is still like this and Bel – she is still gone from him. “I can’t, Quil. How could – how does anybody think under this condition?”
They both know there’s no answer to such a question.
“Just slow down, Jake,” Quil pleas. “The night’s a perfect shade of dark blue. Breathe.”
Quil still walks the woods of La Push, where the oxygen is only stifled by all the moisture in the air.
Jacob’s sky is blood red and he chokes on it.
He has been running for so long he doesn’t even know how to stop and breathing is a word he no longer understands. It makes him think of her, giving him life, and a future her, no longer needing air. He separates them in his head, the past and the future, because he has to. Necessity wears him down these days.
Jacob sighs. “Your sky is not mine, Quil.”
He thinks, And I’ll always keep running and hates that Quil can hear him.
***
He spots a sign through some trees and knows where he is for the first time in days or weeks or months. Time stopped being a factor a while ago.
The cheery sign welcomes him to Illinois, and he prefers being lost.
The next evening, when Sam enters his head, Jacob nearly collapses.
Bella’s face swims in Sam’s mind. The image forces her name out of a box where it was locked up and kept away from girls named Pandora. Until now.
He recognizes her half-empty eyes, but this time it wasn’t Edward that did it to her. Jacob did.
His own voice snaps at him, You promised. He can’t even find the rage to blame her for her own downfall because he loves her too fucking much.
All four of his limbs give out from under him and he yelps when his side hits the ground.
Dammit, Bella, he thinks. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?
He forces the change back to human form because he knows he can’t be a wolf anymore, not while he can see what he has done to her.
The transformation leaves him gasping. Humans feel so much pain.
He had almost forgotten how much worse it was like this.
He wishes he could go back, but knows he can’t. He is trapped in the limbo between human and beast and neither spectrum will rescue him from desperate loves and haunted pasts.
He pushes his smaller human limbs forward, wincing at every breath. He throws on his now dirty pants that have been clinging to his fur for weeks and clambers into town.
***
His father’s voice shudders a sigh of relief when Jacob calls him and asks him to wire some money to a credit union Jacob has found. He needs to buy clothes before he can find a job and he needs a job before he can pretend he thinks werewolf movies are for idiots, he has never known anyone named Bella Swan, his knowledge of cars is limited to changing tires and jumping engines.
The people at the credit union look at him the way one looks at crazy people, as though any eye contact might set them off. He imagines he does look that way. Recently, he has been beginning to think he is that way.
When he gets the money, he goes to a nearby store and finds the most acceptable cheap clothing he can find. He gets his hair cut, because his hair, too, reminds him of her. He doesn’t think she’ll ever leave him, and, at the moment, the part that wants her to go is wishing harder than the part that wants her to stay.
Humans are so weak. He misses the wolf. He realizes this with a shudder, and mourns himself.
He, his short hair and his new clothes get on the next bus to Chicago. Amongst the buildings and vehicles in big cities, it is so easy to get lost, to be unrecognizable, to hide.
He wants to hide from everyone, even himself. His name comes along for the ride, though, because, he reasons, some ounces of humanity are important to maintain.
In truth, he knows, it’s because he can still remember the way she said his name when she was angry or happy or scared or in love and he never wants to lose that.
On the bus he writes the letter. He wants to tell her it’s her own fault, he wants to tell her she deserves it, he wants to tell her he loves her, Jesus, I love you, please take me, I can’t do this anymore, Bella.
He settles for I still think only of you and signing it Love, Jacob.
That is vengeance and truth enough for him.
He addresses it to Embry, drops it in the first mailbox he finds in Chicago, and begins to disappear.
***
None of them have been able to control the wolf in them for long, and Jacob is no exception. Chicago lacks the dense forestry of Washington, and it makes things… rather difficult. He changes in basements of abandoned buildings and hopes no unfortunate person stumbles upon his gaping form and has a heart attack. He hates it, the small spaces, walking in circles instead of through the open woods.
It forces him to learn how to control the wolf, though, and he hopes he’ll be able to stop changing sooner than expected.
One day, things are unnaturally quiet. Looking back, he should have known that quiet for that long could only mean trouble, and not the supernatural kind. The human kind.
Seth snaps into his head like a bullet, carrying images of Bella, crying, Bella, smiling, Bella, pleading, and Embry staring at Bella like he could kill her. It makes Jacob want to kill Embry in turn.
They’re coming, Seth thinks and then curses himself because Jacob wasn’t supposed to know that.
No, Jacob thinks, and forces himself back to human and out of the building.
He sits on the curb with his head between his knees and thinks he’s going to be sick. His head spins in circles of Run or stay, run or stay.
Reason tells him that he can’t let Bella Swan run him out of town everywhere she goes, and he stays.
He has always been good at lying to himself.
He goes back to the diner where he works and waits.
***
She stumbles in behind Sam the next morning and Jacob can’t look at her. At first he can’t even see her, she cowers too close to Sam’s huge form. Like Jacob could hurt her. Like her could ever –
His hands shake, because he has hurt her. Even if it was her decision that did it, he can’t help but blame himself.
This love is so destructive.
She cries and shakes and he swallows back tears and shakes and that’s what their love has done to them.
He never wants her to leave.
All the same, he can’t look at her.
She whispers, “Please,” and he glances at her for an instant and immediately regrets it. He can see her stagger, he can see her hurt, he can see her, just as striking as ever. He doesn’t know why he expected her beauty to fade, or, at least, to stop affecting him the way she does.
He also doesn’t know why his knees begin to straighten as he stands. He puts a hand lightly against the table and finds it painfully ironic how strong he looks and how weak he feels.
Sam says, “I’ll wait here,” and his voice whispers of “Control yourself.”
Sam never stops seeing Emily’s face, and it makes Jacob shudder.
He doesn’t understand how it's so hot so early in the morning, and wishes he felt as comfortable shirtless here as he did in La Push.
“You shouldn’t have come here,” he whispers and forces himself to sound like he means it. His words really translate to You should have picked me. These masks he wears are near impossible to rip off most days.
She says, “You knew I was coming and stayed.”
He scrambles for an excuse. He hates the way she makes him feel naked and sliced open on an operating table. It always feels like he can’t hide anything from her, when he’s the one who can read her without her saying a word, not the other way around.
He blabbers some excuse about not wanting to run, liking Chicago without trees or air or her. Her eyes narrow at his lies and he wants to smile a little because at least she can see his falsehoods.
The corners of his lips don’t so much as twitch in the direction of his eyes. Instead, he reminds her how she once lied and said she didn’t have a choice. Him or Edward. Edward or him. It certainly seems like a choice was involved.
She says that was a mistake. Not a lie. She doesn’t get it.
He says, “How do you know this isn’t a mistake?”
Their hands are shaking for reasons all too similar. He remembers telling her once how he was human, he felt human, as his masks crashed around him, leaving shards of ceramic on the floor.
“Eclipses pass,” she mutters. “The sun remains the same.”
Their last conversation flashes in his head for the thousandth time and he feels dizzy at its still vivid colors.
He throws her words back at her. “Eclipses come back. They block out the sun and you can forget it ever existed.”
She was willing to forget him. Choices or not, she allowed that to happen. A battle between anger and love rages in his heart and he doesn’t know which one will win. He doesn’t even know which one to root for. Anger is safe. Love is dangerous. It should be easy.
“No,” she says, shaking her head. “You can’t forget.”
With a twist in his stomach, the anger vanishes. He feels suddenly defenseless and quickly scrambles to find it, that lifeline. It has been his only energy for so long. Fury was the only emotion he could handle. Everything else was too much.
He feels his mouth transforming into something like a smile and tries to push it down. He can’t do this. Love her. She could change her mind.
He thinks of Emily and Sam and realizes, so could he. He also knows he won’t.
She gives a light gasp and he can see her stagger. With a start, he grabs her elbow, something icy like panic racing in his blood.
“What’s wrong?” he asks despite himself.
She laughs, “Air.”
He doesn’t understand, but he hears her laugh and knows there’s no going back to the lonely woods without her.
That’s alright, though. It’s alright.
“Are you okay now?” he asks as she remembers how to use her feet. After he asks, he realizes he was asking both her and himself.
She answers for both of them.
“Yes,” she smiles, and he remembers how life with her was so effortless. He thought it was hard. It was life without her that was difficult, though.
Loving her was all too easy.
*
feedback?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 10:14 pm (UTC)The phasing is totally what gets me. The wolf and the humans are so weak, oh Jacob!
This is all angsty and sad and I just want to pick up the poor furball.
Have you ever been alone in a crowded room
Well I'm here with you
I totally feel that for Jacob too. Like, this song owns.
His name comes along for the ride, though, because, he reasons, some ounces of humanity are important to maintain.
The wolf/boy complex is so INTERESTING. And you bring up all these ideas about who Jacob is and it's all so intriguing and I LIKE YOUR IDEAS/THEORIES A LOT.
♥ ♥
I will now thank twilight_tables profusely for getting you to write THIS! SO. AMAZINGLY. GOOD. ASDLKJFDK;
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 10:18 pm (UTC)dark blue BASICALLY OWNS MY ENTIRE SOUL to the extent where i once sent it to a boyfriend of mine and was like "YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS" even though he hated all my music.
whatever. if you have this song you have no soul, bb!
i'm glad you like both the fic and the song, bb. and those lyrics you picked out are basically further proof that andrew mcmahon is a god of the human condition. you win!
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 10:46 pm (UTC)He recognizes her half-empty eyes, but this time it wasn’t Edward that did it to her. Jacob did.
His own voice snaps at him, You promised. He can’t even find the rage to blame her for her own downfall because he loves her too fucking much.
All four of his limbs give out from under him and he yelps when his side hits the ground.
Dammit, Bella, he thinks. Why do you keep doing this to yourself?
He forces the change back to human form because he knows he can’t be a wolf anymore, not while he can see what he has done to her.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! You PWN my soul!!
None of them have been able to control the wolf in them for long, and Jacob is no exception. Chicago lacks the dense forestry of Washington, and it makes things… rather difficult. He changes in basements of abandoned buildings and hopes no unfortunate person stumbles upon his gaping form and has a heart attack. He hates it, the small spaces, walking in circles instead of through the open woods.
INTERESTING!! 100 points for giving us cool tidbits like that =D!
He can’t do this. Love her. She could change her mind.
=( Oh, JAKE *huggles*.
I LOVE YOUR FIC SO MUCH. I'm so happy you wrote this companion, I love being with Jake. =)
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 11:02 pm (UTC)glad you liked it, bb! :)
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 11:03 pm (UTC)Amen Bella, amen.
I loved this and the companion piece too. It broke my heart in a lot of places but it ended well which was more than I could hope for. Jacob/Bella FTFW!
no subject
Date: 2007-08-20 11:05 pm (UTC)this makes three happy endings. or 2.5, i guess, since this = you still crumble at my name and why do i have such LONG FIC TITLES again?
anyway. glad you liked it, bb.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 12:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 12:02 am (UTC)Their last conversation flashes in his head for the thousandth time and he feels dizzy at its still vivid colors.
He throws her words back at her. “Eclipses come back. They block out the sun and you can forget it ever existed.”
This bit is gorgeous.
I'm abotu as far as you can get from being a J/B shipper though haha
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 12:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 12:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 12:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 01:00 am (UTC)Eclipses pass,” she mutters. “The sun remains the same.”
Their last conversation flashes in his head for the thousandth time and he feels dizzy at its still vivid colors.
He throws her words back at her. “Eclipses come back. They block out the sun and you can forget it ever existed.”
&hearts I love it so much! You did a great job. :)
(and I downloaded the song, and SO MUCH YES to it. Ugh. It kills me a little bit.)
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 01:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 01:01 am (UTC)I love the little things lkike Pandora's box amnd the air, and little spaces and everything.
Elyssa, I want you to keep writing this verse because, as far as I know, this is canon (if things don't go our way).
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 01:20 am (UTC)i'll try. i'm always thinking about writing in this verse or the verse of you marched in... but that would be all fluff all the damn time, so i don't know. maybe. :)
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 01:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 01:02 am (UTC)She cries and shakes and he swallows back tears and shakes and that’s what their love has done to them.
That line hit me sooooo hard, and I'm not quite sure why. Maybe because it shows that /yes/ they are in love and /yes/ it is mutual and /yes/ it is real and /no Bella will not just be able to write it off/.
And, let's see, um . . . all the rest of the lines too. :P It kind of made me fall in love with J/B all over again, and, just, wow. I adore it.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 01:20 am (UTC)WORD.
also, you win for picking out my favorite line in the whole damn piece. wooo you!
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 02:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 02:59 am (UTC)Wonderful job.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 03:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-08-21 03:05 am (UTC)And bonus points for the song inspiration, it's currently one of my favorite songs ever. :)
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Date: 2007-08-21 03:43 am (UTC)i know, right? song pwns my soul. BASICALLY.
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Date: 2007-08-21 03:44 am (UTC)You for the win. That is all.
She says that was a mistake. Not a lie. She doesn’t get it.
He says, “How do you know this isn’t a mistake?”
Their hands are shaking for reasons all too similar. He remembers telling her once how he was human, he felt human, as his masks crashed around him, leaving shards of ceramic on the floor.
“Eclipses pass,” she mutters. “The sun remains the same.”
*is totally not getting all fangirly*
Geeze. I love them. And I love you. The end.
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Date: 2007-08-21 03:47 am (UTC)thanks, bb. :)
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Date: 2007-08-21 04:32 am (UTC)I can't seem to get over how you put things in a mere sentence and they JUST MAKE SENSE. It's like, I was kinda sorta thinking that about Jacob/Bella but couldn't articulate and then you're like, "Here's an awesome line that explains EVERYTHING." And I get really, really, really happy. :D
Also, this part: A cruel part of him wonders if in three days time (or three days after that, or that, or simply eventually) she will look back on him and laugh BREAKS ME. I AM SHATTERED.
T/T: I covet your writing ability like I covet Jacob's perpetually nekid body.
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Date: 2007-08-21 04:40 am (UTC)HAHAH i love how your comments to my fics NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME DIE.
glad you liked it, love.
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Date: 2007-08-23 01:16 am (UTC)okay, so. i have no idea what the hell you're talking about when you said "I don't know if I like this one either. Or the title. Tell me, bbs." because the title is pure jeen-ee-us! (genius, duh. egads. i wrote genuis first. D: i fail at typing.) i love love love the title and i adore how it is almost hand-in-hand with the title for the other fic. like. i don't think i'm wording this right - but i like how they're sort of similar titles? idk.
so, um, anyways.
i love you and this fic was awesome and you're awesome and this entire post was just a... awesome post of awesomeness? where the hell is my brain tonight. wtf. but um. this was my favorite part:
“Just slow down, Jake,” Quil pleas. “The night’s a perfect shade of dark blue. Breathe.”
Quil still walks the woods of La Push, where the oxygen is only stifled by all the moisture in the air.
Jacob’s sky is blood red and he chokes on it.
He has been running for so long he doesn’t even know how to stop and breathing is a word he no longer understands. It makes him think of her, giving him life, and a future her, no longer needing air. He separates them in his head, the past and the future, because he has to. Necessity wears him down these days.
Jacob sighs. “Your sky is not mine, Quil.”
i just LOVE the way you wrote that and how honest and how jacob-like it was. uuuugh. so amazing. i also loved the wolf vs human jake bits; you know, how being human was so much worse for him.
i also loved, well maybe this is more me than your actual fanfic writing, idk, but i loved that this jake reminded me so much of pod!bella from new moon. except jake was about 100x more awesome in his pod!angry!wolfy!self.
ps. omg u r awzm!!1111 ilu ♥ ♥ ♥
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Date: 2007-08-23 01:18 am (UTC)word, babycakes. :)
glad you liked it, bb!
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Date: 2007-08-23 11:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-11-15 03:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-05-22 06:52 am (UTC)Two legs have such trouble standing on their own, especially under the weight of things like unrequited love.
I almost cried at one point.
This whole bit:
Humans are so weak. He misses the wolf. He realizes this with a shudder, and mourns himself.
He, his short hair and his new clothes get on the next bus to Chicago. Amongst the buildings and vehicles in big cities, it is so easy to get lost, to be unrecognizable, to hide.
He wants to hide from everyone, even himself. His name comes along for the ride, though, because, he reasons, some ounces of humanity are important to maintain.
In truth, he knows, it’s because he can still remember the way she said his name when she was angry or happy or scared or in love and he never wants to lose that.
On the bus he writes the letter. He wants to tell her it’s her own fault, he wants to tell her she deserves it, he wants to tell her he loves her, Jesus, I love you, please take me, I can’t do this anymore, Bella.
He settles for I still think only of you and signing it Love, Jacob.
That is vengeance and truth enough for him.
He addresses it to Embry, drops it in the first mailbox he finds in Chicago, and begins to disappear.
DEVASTATING. Love.
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Date: 2008-05-22 05:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-06-01 08:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-14 04:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-06-16 01:02 am (UTC)