So, on September 1st, I was on 2x07 of Angel, and as of today, I just finished 4x12: Cavalry. I have problems. May I make a quasi-stalkery confession and say that one of the reasons I pour all my willpower into making my season 4 and 5 torrents speed the hell up is so that I can finally read your Angel fic without getting spoilered? Really really.
Anyway. I'm trying to work out what it is about this fic that I like so much, trying to turn it over in my head, so excuse me if I get a bit rambly.
Lilah/Wes struck me as ten different kinds of hot and wrong, but there is something deeply right about your portrayal of them. Lilah is a vicious bitch; I like her because she's so damn unlikeable. But she has these moments and it's just so interesting to see that this whole fic is essentially a whole series of these moment strung together; it's the interior monologue of Lilah during these two episodes, her thoughtscape, and it meshes so perfectly with the canon, enriching it.
It's weird - I don't really enjoy watching Lilah in the series, but I can never look away from her. There's always the ferocity, the push, the aggression - she always ups the ante. Even when she topples during the power games, she eventually finds a way to push back harder. She has that kind of tightly held control over her speech, her face, her body, the kind you see in ballet dancers, sword fighters - this punishing kind of self-awareness, the ability to take a hit, and then another, and then another.
... So it makes perfect sense for me, that extended metaphor of the wound - the vulnerability of the body, the vulnerability of the heart. It's the other side of that terrible strength. It's so fascinating to see Wes from Lilah's pov - He’s the only one who would make that call. It rings of just the right mix of dangerous and purposeful; the sort of stupidly brilliant move that only Wesley would pull - and to realise that she sees him with more clarity than anyone else. A merciless kind of clarity.
Does Lilah really know herself as well as she claims to? I don't know. I go back and forth on this. This fic makes me go back and forth. There's self-recognition, there are these moments when she lets herself just feel (like that beautiful moment at the end) but there's also a lot left unsaid. I like this because it seems to capture all of that, the difficulty of what she is and what she thinks she is and what she wishes she could be.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for writing this, since reading it and (haha, as you can see) commenting on it has forced me to think about and feel for Wes and Lilah in ways that I never imagined I would. Thanks.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-09-13 01:27 am (UTC)So, on September 1st, I was on 2x07 of Angel, and as of today, I just finished 4x12: Cavalry. I have problems. May I make a quasi-stalkery confession and say that one of the reasons I pour all my willpower into making my season 4 and 5 torrents speed the hell up is so that I can finally read your Angel fic without getting spoilered? Really really.
Anyway. I'm trying to work out what it is about this fic that I like so much, trying to turn it over in my head, so excuse me if I get a bit rambly.
Lilah/Wes struck me as ten different kinds of hot and wrong, but there is something deeply right about your portrayal of them. Lilah is a vicious bitch; I like her because she's so damn unlikeable. But she has these moments and it's just so interesting to see that this whole fic is essentially a whole series of these moment strung together; it's the interior monologue of Lilah during these two episodes, her thoughtscape, and it meshes so perfectly with the canon, enriching it.
It's weird - I don't really enjoy watching Lilah in the series, but I can never look away from her. There's always the ferocity, the push, the aggression - she always ups the ante. Even when she topples during the power games, she eventually finds a way to push back harder. She has that kind of tightly held control over her speech, her face, her body, the kind you see in ballet dancers, sword fighters - this punishing kind of self-awareness, the ability to take a hit, and then another, and then another.
... So it makes perfect sense for me, that extended metaphor of the wound - the vulnerability of the body, the vulnerability of the heart. It's the other side of that terrible strength. It's so fascinating to see Wes from Lilah's pov - He’s the only one who would make that call. It rings of just the right mix of dangerous and purposeful; the sort of stupidly brilliant move that only Wesley would pull - and to realise that she sees him with more clarity than anyone else. A merciless kind of clarity.
Does Lilah really know herself as well as she claims to? I don't know. I go back and forth on this. This fic makes me go back and forth. There's self-recognition, there are these moments when she lets herself just feel (like that beautiful moment at the end) but there's also a lot left unsaid. I like this because it seems to capture all of that, the difficulty of what she is and what she thinks she is and what she wishes she could be.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for writing this, since reading it and (haha, as you can see) commenting on it has forced me to think about and feel for Wes and Lilah in ways that I never imagined I would. Thanks.