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anythingbutgreyTitle: I Want to See the Sun Rise Anywhere But Here (Epilogue)
Ship (Fandom): Jacob/Bella (Twilight)
A/N: Many many many many thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
snowfire for being my beta, cheerleader, and co-fangirl in arms. The title is from The Rescues' Break Me Out. This is an AU fic set in the middle of New Moon. None of this business belongs to me.
Summary: Her hands are shaking at her sides, but he knows can’t go with her. He knows he can’t say yes. It doesn’t matter how much he needs her or how much this terrifies him. He doesn’t know if by “this” he means Bella or the wolf. AU.
Part One: Jacob
Part Two: Bella
The Epilogue
They defeat Victoria. It has its costs. Jared dies and the Pack seems to simply stop for days. Bella sits with Jacob’s head in her lap, stroking the side of his face and wishing she could fix everything. But mostly she just feels guilty, because all she can think is Thank God it wasn’t Jake, and whenever she sees Emily, Bella knows she’s thinking the same thing about Sam. But eventually Jacob learns to breathe again and on that day he turns to Bella and he cries for hours against her neck. She understands how that works. You shut down and then one day you break apart. And that’s when you start to heal. She just rocks him like a child while he cries, and keeps whispering, “Just know I love you. I always love you,” hoping it’s enough.
It is. Jacob learns to breathe again. They both go back to school, and the few mile distance between them makes her skin crawl. She's not used to it. But they go back to school and spend as much out of school time together. Angela smiles this really quiet sort of smile whenever Jacob comes up in conversation. This makes Bella blush far more than she should and inevitably turn toward the window, looking in the direction where she knows Jacob is looking back. School for Jacob is harder. He's in the pack now, and while his friends are in it with him, it still makes him terribly uncomfortable to be part of this mass of huge, hulking men that everyone stares at. Jared's absence still feels like a gaping, infected wound. But Bella is inevitably over at his house in the afternoon, or he goes over to her place, and sometimes they talk and sometimes they don't and sometimes they make out and sometimes they do homework and it never really matters because her presence has always been enough to stabilize him. And it gets better. It's a constant process, one they both know, but loss is something familiar to them by now. They are knowledgeable of its patterns, its aches and pains, its inevitable retreats. It fades.
There’s an after. Bella goes to college, a small school in Washington, and majors in English. She calls Jacob every night and all her friends -- a term she has to repeat a few times because it's odd, Bella Swan and friends -- are insanely jealous of her relationship. They stare, open mouthed, whenever Jacob comes to visit and Nina, her closest friend, really, says, "It's just the way he looks at you." Bella knows. The next year, Jacob goes to university in Seattle and studies engineering. They break up and neither of them is really sure why. They both claim wanting to try new experiences, but in truth it’s that each one feels the other deserves the chance to see what they really want in the world without strings. It’s the first month of her sophomore year, his freshman year, and it hurts both of them so much that for a few days they do nothing but alternate between sleeping and wanting to call the other on the phone and take it back. Neither of them does. Neither of them knows why. They both remember promising forever so many times, but they are so young, and they know that forever is a promise that sometimes gets broken. That’s the way of life and of youth.
But it gets better. They’re human, and natural healers. They attempt to move on, however slowly. Bella tries to date some people, dates a history major named Peter for the rest of the school year until she realizes she has too many secrets to keep it all straight. Peter and Bella break up. Jacob has a couple girlfriends for decent periods of time, but it never works out. Maybe he’s waiting to imprint. Maybe he’s waiting to get back to the girl he still hasn’t forgotten about, the girl who proves to him he’ll never imprint anyway.
That summer they run into each other at the supermarket by the bakery section. He’s buying muffins; she’s buying a cake. They stare at each other for a long time, him on one side of the aisle, her on the other, and both of them trying to decide what to do. He takes the first step forward, which doesn’t surprise her. She has always been too indecisive or foolish or terrified to go after what she really wants. He’s halfway down the aisle before she can move, and when she stops in front of him they both wear old, familiar, huge grins, the kind where you’re smiling so hard you can’t speak very well. He asks her if perhaps she thinks they should give it another chance, and she agrees.
But they decide to take it slow. He opens the car door for her, doesn't kiss her until the third date. She doesn’t touch him. But on that third date, he’s hovering by the car outside the restaurant, turns to her and says, just because he can’t help himself, “I never stopped loving you.” And Bella laughs and Bella cries and she throws her arms around his neck and kisses him for so long people start to stare but she doesn’t care because it’s Jacob and he’s hers and there has not been a single day since New York when she has not wanted to love him and be loved by him. They make love that night and she wonders if she ever thought she wouldn’t end up right here, Jacob Black as the all-encompassing world. He proposes six months later, and they get married at First Beach, barefoot and laughing, and it’s coming full circle. Neither of them could ask for anything more.
And the Cullens? There’s a story there too, a long one. Alice came back to Forks after her visions suddenly disappeared one day, fearing the worst. This was when Jacob and Bella were on their way to New York. Alice arrived just as their plane was taking off, in fact, not that she knew that. Charlie didn’t say much, he just kept re-reading the note he had found on his kitchen table and told Alice how Bella had run off with Jacob Black for some reason he didn’t know. Alice knew about the Black family, of course. There was a powerful lineage there, one that the rest of her family had faced before her time with them. She didn’t put the pieces together at first, but when she did she had the freezing, knowing sensation that Bella was never going to be theirs again.
Charlie never tells Bella about that visit. At first it's that he worries she'll relapse into Edward, and then he just forgets about it because Bella's so tied up in Jacob is ceases having any significance. Alice doesn’t tell Edward for years. He doesn’t come back to the family until nearly a decade later anyway, which is really nothing in vampire years. Alice can’t stop herself from thinking about it, and when Edward hears he smiles the saddest of smiles. He goes back to Forks just the once but Bella’s not there. He has to go to Sacramento, California, where the sun shines too much and he has to find her at night. Not to speak to her, just to see, to make sure she’s happy. When he does find her, it’s a comfortable brick house with plush couches and warm-colored walls. Looking in the window, he sees her laughing, her head thrown back, her arms crossed across her stomach from her splitting sides. Jacob Black, taller than when Edward last saw him, is laughing too, leaning toward Bella, his mouth open wide. Edward can hear the sound from the outside, and it is a sound that is new to him from Bella. When they were together she was always so serious. This is something new, something Edward grieves to know is right for her.
He leaves, and while he doesn’t move on, never entirely, he tries. Later, much later, decades later, when Bella is old and frail but still loves her family with the most ferocious strength, Edward meets a vampire named Nicole, and he wonders if, perhaps, he’ll be okay for the rest of eternity. He doesn’t feel it when Bella dies, though he always suspected he would. And when he does find out, Nicole keeps him from stepping on an Italy-bound plane.
Edward comforts himself with this: No, Bella’s happily ever after doesn’t last forever. But he knows it’s the happiest she could have ever asked to be.
My soapbox:
You may perhaps be wondering why Bernie, Jim, and Joey were never brought to justice. Well, in fact, in the real world they probably wouldn’t be. Only 7% of rape cases that go to trial end with convictions. The vast majority of rape victims don’t get trials. An even larger majority never reports their rapes at all. However, when a woman goes to trial for rape, it is her reputation that goes on the line. She is portrayed as irresponsible, as drunk, as a slut, as asking for it, or even as making it up to get back at an old boyfriend or a bad date. But rape is not a crime that is committed against a few irresponsible college students and it is not a crime that is contrived for the sake of revenge. In fact, estimates show that 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 women are victims of rape or attempted rape in college, and 1 in 6 women are victims of rape or attempted rape in their lifetime. The Department of Justice has found that the false report rate for rape cases is less than 7%. Most of the time rape doesn’t happen the way it almost happens to Bella. Most rape survivors know their attackers. Yet, most rapists never go to jail.
So, what can you do about it?
To start off, know the facts. Visit http://www.rainn.org/ and find out more statistics than you ever wanted to know and how you can get involved in the fight against rape through a variety of events and organizations, including the National Organization for Women, Take Back the Night, or your local friendly feminist organization. Find out about rape culture – and what you can do in your own day to stop it. Please read that link, it’s really informative and really frustrating and really essential for all of us as humans. And then, once you read it and you know the horrifying, terrible facts, go cause some trouble. Find your local feminist organization or start one. If you think you’re not a feminist, I ask you if you think women are human. If the answer is yes, then good, let’s keep going. Go find/start a feminist organization, get mad, talk to people, start making cracks in the way people see the world. Never underestimate grassroots. It’s the only thing that’s ever truly worked, in the end.
And now I will get off my soapbox.
The EPs
Comment if taking anything slash leave your thoughts on the fic. Concrit is more than welcome. Thanks for coming for the ride. :)
Ship (Fandom): Jacob/Bella (Twilight)
A/N: Many many many many thanks to
snowfire for being my beta, cheerleader, and co-fangirl in arms. The title is from The Rescues' Break Me Out. This is an AU fic set in the middle of New Moon. None of this business belongs to me.Summary: Her hands are shaking at her sides, but he knows can’t go with her. He knows he can’t say yes. It doesn’t matter how much he needs her or how much this terrifies him. He doesn’t know if by “this” he means Bella or the wolf. AU.
Part Two: Bella
The Epilogue
They defeat Victoria. It has its costs. Jared dies and the Pack seems to simply stop for days. Bella sits with Jacob’s head in her lap, stroking the side of his face and wishing she could fix everything. But mostly she just feels guilty, because all she can think is Thank God it wasn’t Jake, and whenever she sees Emily, Bella knows she’s thinking the same thing about Sam. But eventually Jacob learns to breathe again and on that day he turns to Bella and he cries for hours against her neck. She understands how that works. You shut down and then one day you break apart. And that’s when you start to heal. She just rocks him like a child while he cries, and keeps whispering, “Just know I love you. I always love you,” hoping it’s enough.
It is. Jacob learns to breathe again. They both go back to school, and the few mile distance between them makes her skin crawl. She's not used to it. But they go back to school and spend as much out of school time together. Angela smiles this really quiet sort of smile whenever Jacob comes up in conversation. This makes Bella blush far more than she should and inevitably turn toward the window, looking in the direction where she knows Jacob is looking back. School for Jacob is harder. He's in the pack now, and while his friends are in it with him, it still makes him terribly uncomfortable to be part of this mass of huge, hulking men that everyone stares at. Jared's absence still feels like a gaping, infected wound. But Bella is inevitably over at his house in the afternoon, or he goes over to her place, and sometimes they talk and sometimes they don't and sometimes they make out and sometimes they do homework and it never really matters because her presence has always been enough to stabilize him. And it gets better. It's a constant process, one they both know, but loss is something familiar to them by now. They are knowledgeable of its patterns, its aches and pains, its inevitable retreats. It fades.
There’s an after. Bella goes to college, a small school in Washington, and majors in English. She calls Jacob every night and all her friends -- a term she has to repeat a few times because it's odd, Bella Swan and friends -- are insanely jealous of her relationship. They stare, open mouthed, whenever Jacob comes to visit and Nina, her closest friend, really, says, "It's just the way he looks at you." Bella knows. The next year, Jacob goes to university in Seattle and studies engineering. They break up and neither of them is really sure why. They both claim wanting to try new experiences, but in truth it’s that each one feels the other deserves the chance to see what they really want in the world without strings. It’s the first month of her sophomore year, his freshman year, and it hurts both of them so much that for a few days they do nothing but alternate between sleeping and wanting to call the other on the phone and take it back. Neither of them does. Neither of them knows why. They both remember promising forever so many times, but they are so young, and they know that forever is a promise that sometimes gets broken. That’s the way of life and of youth.
But it gets better. They’re human, and natural healers. They attempt to move on, however slowly. Bella tries to date some people, dates a history major named Peter for the rest of the school year until she realizes she has too many secrets to keep it all straight. Peter and Bella break up. Jacob has a couple girlfriends for decent periods of time, but it never works out. Maybe he’s waiting to imprint. Maybe he’s waiting to get back to the girl he still hasn’t forgotten about, the girl who proves to him he’ll never imprint anyway.
That summer they run into each other at the supermarket by the bakery section. He’s buying muffins; she’s buying a cake. They stare at each other for a long time, him on one side of the aisle, her on the other, and both of them trying to decide what to do. He takes the first step forward, which doesn’t surprise her. She has always been too indecisive or foolish or terrified to go after what she really wants. He’s halfway down the aisle before she can move, and when she stops in front of him they both wear old, familiar, huge grins, the kind where you’re smiling so hard you can’t speak very well. He asks her if perhaps she thinks they should give it another chance, and she agrees.
But they decide to take it slow. He opens the car door for her, doesn't kiss her until the third date. She doesn’t touch him. But on that third date, he’s hovering by the car outside the restaurant, turns to her and says, just because he can’t help himself, “I never stopped loving you.” And Bella laughs and Bella cries and she throws her arms around his neck and kisses him for so long people start to stare but she doesn’t care because it’s Jacob and he’s hers and there has not been a single day since New York when she has not wanted to love him and be loved by him. They make love that night and she wonders if she ever thought she wouldn’t end up right here, Jacob Black as the all-encompassing world. He proposes six months later, and they get married at First Beach, barefoot and laughing, and it’s coming full circle. Neither of them could ask for anything more.
And the Cullens? There’s a story there too, a long one. Alice came back to Forks after her visions suddenly disappeared one day, fearing the worst. This was when Jacob and Bella were on their way to New York. Alice arrived just as their plane was taking off, in fact, not that she knew that. Charlie didn’t say much, he just kept re-reading the note he had found on his kitchen table and told Alice how Bella had run off with Jacob Black for some reason he didn’t know. Alice knew about the Black family, of course. There was a powerful lineage there, one that the rest of her family had faced before her time with them. She didn’t put the pieces together at first, but when she did she had the freezing, knowing sensation that Bella was never going to be theirs again.
Charlie never tells Bella about that visit. At first it's that he worries she'll relapse into Edward, and then he just forgets about it because Bella's so tied up in Jacob is ceases having any significance. Alice doesn’t tell Edward for years. He doesn’t come back to the family until nearly a decade later anyway, which is really nothing in vampire years. Alice can’t stop herself from thinking about it, and when Edward hears he smiles the saddest of smiles. He goes back to Forks just the once but Bella’s not there. He has to go to Sacramento, California, where the sun shines too much and he has to find her at night. Not to speak to her, just to see, to make sure she’s happy. When he does find her, it’s a comfortable brick house with plush couches and warm-colored walls. Looking in the window, he sees her laughing, her head thrown back, her arms crossed across her stomach from her splitting sides. Jacob Black, taller than when Edward last saw him, is laughing too, leaning toward Bella, his mouth open wide. Edward can hear the sound from the outside, and it is a sound that is new to him from Bella. When they were together she was always so serious. This is something new, something Edward grieves to know is right for her.
He leaves, and while he doesn’t move on, never entirely, he tries. Later, much later, decades later, when Bella is old and frail but still loves her family with the most ferocious strength, Edward meets a vampire named Nicole, and he wonders if, perhaps, he’ll be okay for the rest of eternity. He doesn’t feel it when Bella dies, though he always suspected he would. And when he does find out, Nicole keeps him from stepping on an Italy-bound plane.
Edward comforts himself with this: No, Bella’s happily ever after doesn’t last forever. But he knows it’s the happiest she could have ever asked to be.
You may perhaps be wondering why Bernie, Jim, and Joey were never brought to justice. Well, in fact, in the real world they probably wouldn’t be. Only 7% of rape cases that go to trial end with convictions. The vast majority of rape victims don’t get trials. An even larger majority never reports their rapes at all. However, when a woman goes to trial for rape, it is her reputation that goes on the line. She is portrayed as irresponsible, as drunk, as a slut, as asking for it, or even as making it up to get back at an old boyfriend or a bad date. But rape is not a crime that is committed against a few irresponsible college students and it is not a crime that is contrived for the sake of revenge. In fact, estimates show that 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 women are victims of rape or attempted rape in college, and 1 in 6 women are victims of rape or attempted rape in their lifetime. The Department of Justice has found that the false report rate for rape cases is less than 7%. Most of the time rape doesn’t happen the way it almost happens to Bella. Most rape survivors know their attackers. Yet, most rapists never go to jail.
So, what can you do about it?
To start off, know the facts. Visit http://www.rainn.org/ and find out more statistics than you ever wanted to know and how you can get involved in the fight against rape through a variety of events and organizations, including the National Organization for Women, Take Back the Night, or your local friendly feminist organization. Find out about rape culture – and what you can do in your own day to stop it. Please read that link, it’s really informative and really frustrating and really essential for all of us as humans. And then, once you read it and you know the horrifying, terrible facts, go cause some trouble. Find your local feminist organization or start one. If you think you’re not a feminist, I ask you if you think women are human. If the answer is yes, then good, let’s keep going. Go find/start a feminist organization, get mad, talk to people, start making cracks in the way people see the world. Never underestimate grassroots. It’s the only thing that’s ever truly worked, in the end.
And now I will get off my soapbox.
These are EPs for both Jacob and Bella's chapters and follow the narratives of those chapters. I also tried to make it music I imagined they would listen to - Jacob's is for this reason more rock bands, whereas Bella's is more poppy. My gender stereotypes, let me show them to you. For zips, click the character name; for .m4as, click the song title. Metric - Help, I'm Alive I tremble They're gonna eat me alive If I stumble They're gonna eat me alive Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer? Beating like a hammer? Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer Hard to be soft Tough to be tender Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer Beating like a hammer If you're still alive My regrets are few Mae - Sometimes I Can't Make it Alone I thought that part of me was what she'd want but she's got the whole thing and there's no doubt in anything she does, when she gets inside me to think it'd be this clear above the atmosphere I'm flying with no fear now ... She's staring into me with all she's got oh what a bright thing she fills the space between with air to breathe she comes beside me to think it'd be this clear above the atmosphere I'm flying with no fear now Motion City Soundtrack - This is For Real I had some nightmares, Clawing at my skin and bones I nearly did explode You smoked the demons Gave me back my feelings Now I am good to go Before, my face hits the floor There's just one thing you should know This is for real, this time I mean it I'm coming clean, please don't let go I said from the start, that you could take it or leave it I'd prefer that you keep it Don't let go Anberlin - Time and Confusion We're miles from home, doing the best that we can I wont do this without you Wont do this without you so take heart 'Cause you know that you have mine And it feels like, we could last forever And I'm not doing this alone. ... What makes your heart beat faster Tell me now, what does your body long after I don't care now where we live It's not where, or what, or who we were with. I just need you in my life, so promise me again Interpol - Length of Love This could be destiny Oh sweetheart I've had no sense of time Since we started I got friends in need Oh sweetheart I'd go lengths and lengths and lengths of love Since we started this thing now Combat salacious removal Combat salacious removal There is a bitter breed Oh sweetheart They will be watching you sometimes With their bitter hearts But we went through with these Oh we're shifting the heartache We want strong summer love that must roam washed up blood Just to stay away Eisley - Ambulance I need an ambulance. I took, I took the worst of the blow. Send me a redeemer. Let me know if I'm gonna be alright. Am I gonna be alright? 'Cause i know how it usually goes. I know how it usually goes. I built a monument for the love we used to know. but that is far removed, and you say that I'm gonna be okay, and yeah, I'm gonna be okay, but it doesn't seem that way. No love, not today. Ida Maria - See Me Through Oh God, now when's the time for me When will you see me through Oh God my mind is eating my heart out Oh God my heart is beating my mind up Oh God, I can't believe in you Just because I'm afraid you're true Florence and the Machine - The Dog Days are Over Happiness hit her like a train on a track Coming towards her stuck still no turning back She hid around corners and she hid under beds She killed it with kisses and from it she fled With every bubble she sank with her drink And washed it away down the kitchen sink The dog days are over The dog days are done The horses are coming So you better run And I never wanted anything from you Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh Happiness hit her like a bullet in the head Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that Erin McCarley - Love Save the Empty Again, we break down inside. Love save the empty. Love save the empty, and save me. Sad boy, you stare up at the sky When no one's looking back at you. You wear your every last disguise; You're flying, then you fall through. Again, the false attention. Again, you're breaking inside. Love save the empty. Love save the empty, save me. Love save the empty. Love save the empty. Adele - My Same I thought I knew myself Somehow you know me more I've never known this Never before You're the first To make out Whenever we are two I don't know who I'd be If I didn't know you You're so provocative I'm so conservative You're so adventurous I'm so very cautious Combining You think We would and we do But we do Favouritism Ain't my thing But in this situation I'll be glad To make an exception |
Comment if taking anything slash leave your thoughts on the fic. Concrit is more than welcome. Thanks for coming for the ride. :)
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