Forgot to close a tag, but I'm sure you'll notice that very shortly ;)
I liked this. I've always liked the idea of cramming so many memories/words into an event that only takes a couple minutes. This is actually (no doubt due to my general disinterest in trio!fic) the first fic I've read that looks at either Ron or Hermione's point of view in these few minutes, and you really managed to create the horrible sort of time-stopping emotion they must have felt.
As far as concrit is concerned, I feel like this needs slightly different punctuation or.. something:
She wants to rush forward, grab him by the wrist and cling to him, the rest of the world falling to pieces around them and not care because life before him was nothing;
The second half of that confuses me a little. I'm not sure if it'ssupposed to be be "and not care [that the rest of the world is falling to pieces]" or that she just doesn't care if she clings to him or what the exact sentiment there is. I assume that with the long sentences you're going with a more stream-of-consciousness sort of style, representing Hermione's jumble of thoughts and emotions, and I like that, it just seemed like there, for instance, the reader might lose your train of thought.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-04-17 05:03 am (UTC)I liked this. I've always liked the idea of cramming so many memories/words into an event that only takes a couple minutes. This is actually (no doubt due to my general disinterest in trio!fic) the first fic I've read that looks at either Ron or Hermione's point of view in these few minutes, and you really managed to create the horrible sort of time-stopping emotion they must have felt.
As far as concrit is concerned, I feel like this needs slightly different punctuation or.. something:
She wants to rush forward, grab him by the wrist and cling to him, the rest of the world falling to pieces around them and not care because life before him was nothing;
The second half of that confuses me a little. I'm not sure if it'ssupposed to be be "and not care [that the rest of the world is falling to pieces]" or that she just doesn't care if she clings to him or what the exact sentiment there is. I assume that with the long sentences you're going with a more stream-of-consciousness sort of style, representing Hermione's jumble of thoughts and emotions, and I like that, it just seemed like there, for instance, the reader might lose your train of thought.
Or maybe I'm dumb. Who knows.
Also, I believe it's Viktor, not Victor.